Tuesday, October 31, 2006

As i sat at the admission office waiting for the nurse to come down & bring my grandma up to the ward, i looked at these 2 women in my life...my grandmother, and my 2nd sister.
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To me, my grandma is always 69 years old. Not for any particular reason but because that was the answer i heard the last time i asked. Since then, i haven bear in my heart to remember her birthday, or to celebrate with her. How unfilial right? But as i hear the nurse ask her today, my grandma is already 73 this year. What have i been doing this 4 years? i duno.. What has she been doing this 4 years? still doing her best to take care of this family, taking care of the house, cooking meals for us, giving us her all willingly. as i look at her, she looked older, weaker, fragile. tears came, but i pulled them back, as i know she doesn't want to see me cry. Gently, i lay my head down on her shoulders. To her, she must be thinking: "my dear granddaughter, you should not have come, you should have stayed home to sleep longer. You still got homework to do. why come with me, this old woman?" But to me, i wasn't trying to catch up with sleep, i just want to snuggle up to this familiar figure, to feel her warmth against my face, to know that i can still be close to her. but i couldn't bring myself to say it out loud that i love her, or to openly hug her. maybe cos it was the way i was brought out. open expressions of affections is not in this family. but i know she knows that i love her. why? cos i know Jesus, You will let her know. She will feel it in her spirit.

for the 1st time yesterday night, i took holy communion with my family. the 7 of us - me, my 2nd sis, my mum, my aunt, my cousin, my uncle & my grandma. as my aunt shared about God's protection from Psalms 91 to my grandma, i looked at my mum and my grandma - the two women who sometimes drove me to want to leave the hse. but yesterday, i saw that though they are always arguing about the things in the house and the lifestyle that we're living, my mum loves my grandma too. trying to win on the outside, but both are soft at heart.

with prayer & taken the holy communion, i believe that my grandma is healed in Jesus' name. though she looked fragile to me, she was the most active in the ward. as i look around, one patient cannot walk properly, another is always fussy and complaining, another just sleeps. but my grandma? she looks at what the nurses are doing, she talks to complete strangers who are visitors to the other patients. she talks to the other patient, like she's there to visit and not like another patient. i can see so evidently the difference between a daughter of my awesome Daddy God, and those of the world. if my grandma wasn't wearing the patient robes, i think no one can tell that she's sick. amazing ya? that's my strong grandma. :)
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as i sat watching my grandma tour the ward, i see my 2nd sister trying to catch some sleep beside me. this amazing woman, has a noble calling from the Lord. Called to be a nurse, i believe the Lord helps her to take great care of her patients. how i know? haha..cos she's always complaining that the head nurses always make her the in-charge. what does that mean? it means that she's capable. that her superiors know that she is a good nurse, that she's well capable to take good care of that patients and also, that unknowingly, they've displayed favour to her. though she complains, i can feel that she enjoys being the noble nurse that she is, and that favour is overflowing in her life.

as the hours pass by in the ward, i sat thinking that i'm wasting my time cos i wasn't doing anything productive. my grandma is not going for staging today, all that was scheduled was a little blood test. so why am i still there? cos my sister wanted to wait till the doctor comes to see my grandma and do the blood test. why? cos she herself works in an ocology ward, and she doesn't want my grandma to be poke at numerous times by unskilled nurses. according to her, my grandma has good veins, meaning it's easy to draw blood. but she fears that the nurses will hurt my grandma. so thou she dun work at KKH, she will want to be the one drawing my grandma's blood if she sees that the nurses/doctors cannot draw the 1st time they poke with the needle. Twice will be the maximum times anyone is going to poke my grandma. that's how sweet my sister is. to put herself in my grandma's shoes and not want her to be hurt.

though only 1 year older than me, she contributes most to this family. helping my grandma pay her insurance, helping my mum pay the bills, giving me some pocket money, that's just the material side. being a nurse, all the adults in the family just assumes that she knows everything about health. they ask her to be with my grandma when she 1st was diagnosed. working long hours at the hospital never stop her from going straight down to KKH to hear what the doctor says about my grandma. willingly, she hear what the doctor says, and she does all the stuff there is for nurses to do. not that she dun trust the nurses, but bcos she can give undivided attention to my grandma. that's how amazing my noble sister is.

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Thank you Lord, that You are our health. Whatever the doctor says are just lies. Tmr when grandma goes for staging, Lord, i believe that You will cause the doctor to be amazed. There will no longer be those lying symptoms cos You had already healed her. The divine exchange had already taken place at the cross 2000yrs ago! Thank you Jesus.

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beLoVeD jkMy out
@ |8:06 PM|